S2 W2. She's Here...

The old lady sitting opposite me on the train is creeping me out. Given I don't' look too healthy ( I tried to clean up  as best as I could, but for one this bird's nest on my head HAD to go...) but HO-LY.... this is just plain rude!  I didn't know I had lifted my hand to cover my belly until I felt it there. I looked down....I swear I could feel baby getting uncomfortable too by this "let's not blink" game the woman was playing here. I adjusted my sitting position so i angled away from her towards the window. Id rather look at blurring trees than into her criticizing blue eyes. It was just me and her in this seating set... there were about 6 or 7 of us in the  entire coach section, this means she had other  BETTER options for sitting, but no she chose to perch  in front of me and stare me down. SIIIIINNNCEEEE. I looked at my watch, 2:30. Sigh.... 1 more hour. We were scheduled back home for 3:30.... it was about a 20minute ride to the doctors then.... life officially would kick start again.  I felt like I had died for a month. Like I wasn't in this world. Even seeing outside, the train station, having to interact with people again... it was nice somehow to be back. This whole hermit lifestyle wasn't me. I forced myself to be in it, now I have to force myself out of it. If not for me, for  baby..

 "Are you pregnant?" Shu-o! I looked in the direction of the question. Cold lady..... not that I had expected anything else. I was going to retort a very rude answer, but I just remembered my manners.

"Yes." I looked back to the window to kind of emphasize the "and this conversation is over" point.

"You don't look healthy... you shouldn't be this skinny." Ah Ah... see problem o. Now Im being scolded. After being stared down for almost 4 hours.

"I know." I gave her a cut eye... mild one... when I said that. Then continued looking at nothing outside the window.

"You didn't eat either this whole journey....." I turned back to study this odd old lady that was in front of me. She looked annoyed.

"I'm not hungry-"

"I bet your baby feels different" she turned to her big bag and started digging, she brought out an apple and shoved it towards me "Eat"

All I could think of was  when I was little and mommy said "Don't collect food from strangers..." and this was even apple sef. Forbidden fruit...

"No thanks.... I ate before the journey" Lie. And for some reason, she could see it too.  She shoved it closer to me.  Her expression softened.

"Just eat.....for her" she gestured to my tummy with her eyes. What made her think it was a her  anyways..."or if you don't want fruit... even though that should be what you eat..... take a sandwich. The kiosk in coach E is still open"

I needed the walk and space seriously... so I grabbed this opportunity.  "Ok..." I shuffled/struggled out of my seat , trying to get as far away as possible from her caring judgmental odd mother-like stare. I knew i didn't look too healthy but wow..... was it that bad?


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"Is she here yet?" he told me to be here for 4:30... ok so it was only 4:15, but I had been here a LONG time.


"No Yale... " he laughed small "And calling my phone every 5 seconds to find out wouldnt make her appear faster"



"Sorry....." I really fel bad though, cause I knew he was busy... but for some reason I felt he was the only one that could understand my worry. Weird...


"K would buzz you when she gets here... stay out of sight though, we don't want her running away again" he clicked off before I could say anything. I was too worried to ponder on the rudeness of that.


My phone rang just as I dropped it. Shafa.


"Hey babe..."


"Is she here?" I had to laugh at that, cause here was Arinze telling me to keep it hush hush and the first person i blab to was Shafa.


"No.... Arinze told me to f off..." I giggled "He's tired of hearing from me, me ma I'm tired of calling him every 2 seconds. Suni is gonna diieee men! I'ma kill that heifer. Why didn't she call me????"



"Relax, I'm sure she knows what shes doing..."


"Really? She runs off to God knows where, leaves her house everything...and you're telling me shes knows what she's doing? ?


"Shes a grown ass woman Yale..."


"No Shafa, what she is is STUPID! DAFT! LOKO!" I didn't realize I was shouting until I shuttup. The car was so silent....so was the line... "Hello?"


"I was waiting for you to finish bringing down the roof before I answered. Are you done?"


"Leave me jo" he laughed....the low rumble in the tummy, give me goosebumps kind of laugh that I absolutely adored.


"Baby, I have to go now, buzz me once she get's in ok..."


"Kk....heart."

"Haha, Razz child... heart back at you."



A cab pulled up into the front of building. As it pulled to a stop the cab driver literally came out before the car came to a complete stop....he rushed to open the door.  He helped his passenger out and yes at this point I'm squinting cause it looks like Suni, or it could be Suni, I check my watch 4:23,,, Yup! It could be Suni.  Lady thanks cabbie, cabbie still holds her until shes at the door, she looks like she's waving him off....He's shaking his head. She gives cabbie a stern look... as she does this she turns a bit and I make out a profile. It IS Suni.... but shes.....EWW

The gasp I take in almost chokes me. What in the world did she do to her self???? It's taking everything I have in me not to run out of the car and go and meet her....  I blindly search for my phone because I am crying now....Suni Oh! What in the world....


"Hello?"


"Shafa..." I start crying harder now because.....just because. "Shafa she's here.....She looks horrible... "


"Baby baby.. stop crying.. where are you exactly..."


"In the next parking lot behind the tree...."


"Wow some stealth movements huh? " He laughed small but, mannnn, the image of Suni barely being able to walk was making me cry... She did not look right... Like... "Ok.. I'm on my way pleaseeee stop crying...."


"KK hurry, I'm going to meet her now....." Before I cut the line I heard him saying something about "No wait for me remember what Arinze said", but F that... Did he SEE Suni??? Im going to meet her jo.

S2 W1. Suni

The room was swirling and  my eyes weren't even open, but I could bet you, it was goingggg....I felt drunk. Like puking. What? I dont know. I hadn't eaten in.... 2days? but I had peed like I no woman's business.

I think its been about a month........................Ok, I need to get up now if i intend on not throwing up my already empty stomach unto the sheets... which by the way I need to change.

With all the energy in the world I open my eyes....yup. it IS spinning. I shut them tight again. Gosh I miss Yale. She would've babied me DIE. And I need that sooo much.  Whatever was left in my tummy started making its way up FAST, with a vengeance. I don't know where it came from, but I got some kind of energy like this and I bolted for the bathroom. Because this was a small motel, the bathroom was like.... right here. I emptied  my already empty stomach... it was mainly water and bile....gross.  

I collapsed on the floor beside the WC cause that's all I could do and just lay there , semi-conscious....and just thought over the past weeks. How had I come to be alone, broke, sick, pregnant and.......lost?

When Toba had come knocking on my door again after he had blatantly told me to get rid of baby....I was optimistic, I thought he was coming back to apologize and tell me that  he was sorry and he had overreacted, so I was already ready to forgive and do this together. I was scared and in love. So I needed him to be there..... but no... Toba had come to re-iterate  his point. He came with numbers of places where we could go to get rid of baby before it grew. This maga had gone to do research when he had walked out saying "trust me its best". The funny thing is weeks prior to finding out  about baby I would have agreed to this whole "lets get rid of it before it grows," nonsense, but once it settle...marinated in my head that baby was me....just inside me.... I was baby's protector, shield, home........ it just made no sense me chucking baby out. I'm not that heartless.........apparently Toba is. Hiss! Calling my child evil. It's his FATHER that is evil..... freaking idiot..... who gives him the RIGHT to call my child evil? Foool!

My skin was numbing because the tiles were cold and I was in underwear....I started crawling back to the bed. In the very long process it was taking me, I had a glimpse of myself in the wall mirror........Lord father in heaven. I looked like a starved animal.....especially with me sprawled on the ground like this.....I didn't know I had started crying until a tear fell on my hand.  I am a sorry sight right now. And Ive succumbed so far into this abyss of depression I cant even pull myself out.  I really need to call Yale..................................how would I even begin? "Hey Yale, wanna come get me from Ports Dale, ya... the town 7 hours away.... oh by the way  long time no talk, I know you've been wondering where Ive been....but hey you know now....." 

I haven't spoken to her in a minute! I called her when I first left to tell her I was gone and I'm fine and to ensure mommy doesn't call the police... man... mommy..... I hope I haven't killed her? She was another thing I was running away from, she was smothering me with all the drama and heyyy Suni you have killed me spiel........................................that aside, I had called Yale a few more times after to tell her I just needed time away, I could hear the worry in her voice, but I knew she understood..... and she seemed to have given up trying to talk me into coming back... the last time I called, about 3 weeks ago...she was just like ya.... whatever......I think that's when this stupid depression set in......

I stared at my body in the mirror.... i looked malnourished for sure, but I knew that wasn't a bloated tummy, but baby. And because I  couldn't keep food or anything down, I was starving baby......

"I'm sorry love...." my voice was cracked and it hurt my lips to talk but i felt i had to voice my apology to my child....I was responsible for baby now...the onus is on me to ensure everything for baby is right.... meaning I have to get  on up outta here! .......................First to the hospital.

Arinze......Before I had left town I had went in for a check up and he had given me his number.... said I should be back in 2 weeks.... and he hoped I kept the baby....I had never called or went back... but I needed to know baby was fine....and I feel... for some reason he's the only one who could assure me....

I got to the bed and crawled in....with much effort. With even greater effort I sat up.My bag  was on the nightstand near me so I emptied it beside me on the bed and started to look for the card and my phone.... they weren't too hard to find. 

I played with the card for a bit....

It IS time I get my self going. Before I kill baby... and then myself.

I dial the number.

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Everyday  I wish Suni would just call me back and tell me where and how she is. She hadn't done this  for weeks...and I was starting to get worried again. De' had fallen ill was in the hospital, Mommy had to come back... Toba was just PISSING me off with his STUPID questions and pointless comments, and yes... I was at wits end. I neeed that heifer to call me.

I jumped when my phone rang because....ya it was weird considering my trail of thoughts. It rang again and the number showed. Arinze. We had come together as a team when I was desperate to find Suni some weeks back, we exchanged numbers and said we'd keep each other updated if anything new came up.

"Arinze???"

"Yale, she called."

I bolted out of my seat...."Are you lying to me now, where is she? Did she say where? When did this happen?"

"Wait Wait... slow down....." he laughed... and it sounded like one of relief.....I could so relate. "she called to book an appointment........" Ok? " Ya.....she sounded not good.... I asked her where she was, she said it doesn't matter cause shes leaving and coming down.... I told her to come in tomorrow at 4."

"Thank you so much Arinze, thanks so much.. you don't know how much-"

"Its ok Yale, I was...am worried too....."

I started crying silently.

"It's ok.... just don't raise too much noise, keep this between me and you,  lets make sure shes fine first k... I have to run, see you at 4 tomorrow....."

"Again thank you so much, Like.... I owe you PLENTYYY dokita!"

He laughed and clicked off..... I sat at my desk smiling and crying all at once.

I'ma slap that girl when I see her ehnnnnnn.... ah!!! she better be VERY afraid.

W1. "START HERE": News

It's Monday again. The national worst day of the week. But somehow I seem to like it. Bittersweet feelings though because it's not as if I look forward to Mondays, in fact 95% of the time, like everyone else I'm always complaining the night before as to how I don't want Sunday to end, How I wish Monday's could be eliminated forever, blah blah blah. But once, I open my eyes (Thank you Jesus) it's like I always have this new energy, this new determination. Sort of like "well it's here so better deal with it with Joy if you want to have a good week" type of mentality. So...*beep beep beep*

Ugh that flipping message tone or whatever they call it, I don't even know how to change it.
But I'm rushing, as usual, so I quickly glance to see if its important enough for me to drop my shoes and stop for a split second, which I don't have!

Ah it is o! It's Suni. (Pronounced Sue-Nee).

See whenever Suni texts me its important. VERY. Because the girl doesn't know the difference between delete and enter. She's so not computer literate, I had to pay her to get a cellphone. Imagine? So you can see how highly important & probably urgent it is that she took the time to try and understand her contraption of a cellphone to text me. I drop my shoes and open the text message.

"abCal me."

Lol.... Suni. You won't kill me.

She's on speed dial so it only takes another split second that I don't have to call her while I try to complete the task of wearing my shoes.

"So, you mean to say "abcal me" is all you could get into a simple text? Are you an illiterate? Oh yea, you failed English..."

"Don't let me scratch your tongue Yale"
She sound's a little bit, not herself... but then again its Suni, Mrs.drama queen.

"Always so vicious...see, make this quick, I'm running late"
Don't worry I'm not being rude, you have to handle Suni with a strict fist if not...she will just do you wayo.

"Ok, obviously you don't have the time to see if I'm OK or not so just meet me for lunch at 3"
Can you see? She's already trying to manipulate me...

"Are you pregnant or dying?"
2 very serious issues that can make me appear at her heels before yesterday.

"You're a fool...no, but we really need to talk this afternoon, serious stuffs"
Mhmn Suni, very serious.

"So this is why you raised alarm? See don't be texting me for foolishness at critical hours! Ok, then see you at 2"

"Bye binch.. you're buying"
Suni won't kill me sha!

So now I'm all shoe'd up and ready to roll for work.
Where the hell are my keys?

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Tim Horton chairs disgust me. And I hate waiting. Where is this heifer? It's 3:05 already!

"Yale.."
No way... it's can't be. There is only one person that can say my name like it's his last breath. Shafa.

I take my time to compose myself before I turn.
"Shafa..."

"Wow...today must be my lucky day" I see he was still very easy on the eyes.

"And mine, my unlucky...." this is not a joke

(PAUSE)
----

So Shafa is my ex-something. We never really dated, but we were an item. Briefest story of what happened: We had our little shenanigans and I realized, not to anyones surprise, that that was all I ever was. Shenanigans!....

----

"Ahaha! You got jokes right..."

"Wassup Shafa" I made it a point to look at my watch and obviously scan the room for that bofun who's tardiness has now put me in this VERY unwanted situation.

"Are you waiting for someone.." He was looking at me again. See there's a way Shafa looks at me that makes me feel he's inside me head. Its very unnerving. I look away.

"As a matter of fact... yes." No sign of stupid Suni yet, a quick glance at my watch lets me know its 3:10 now.

"You're still as impatient as ever I see..." What was THAT meant to mean?

"Yes Shafa, waiting for no reason still pisses me off" He laughs, but he's still piercing me with those eyes.

"What?" I swear if Suni does not show up in the next 30seconds she's toast when I see her.

"You're looking good Yale" why did I just blush?

"Did you expect different" from the corner of my I see that mongrel waltz in like the whole world was waiting for her. She spots me and Shafa very quickly. Apparently when we are together it's very obvious.

"Shaaaaafffyyyyy" I swear, if I could mute the binch.
Suni and Shafa were, are good friends.

"Are you terrorizing Yale with your good looks ?" Oh God, give me restraint, help my anger Lord!

"Suni?? No way! You're still short ? You refused to grow ba!"

"Free me, I'm not the one competing with mount Everest" Shafa is 6'3.

"So this is who you were almost breaking the floor waiting for?"

"I'm sure you can understand my impatience now" I really would love for this happy-let's catch up- conversation to end now. Shafa was not on my "people to see" list today..or EVER. If wishes were horses.

"Oh come off it, I couldn't find my keys"

"As usual" me and Shafa said together.
We all laughed, you would not have known Shafa was the last person I wanted to see. And he rally was.

"Well as much as I'd like to sit and chat with you beautiful ladies" So why did he have to look at me like that when he said it "I have to jet. Gotta make that paper so I can pay Yale's bride price"

"Haha! Very funny Shafa"

Suni was quick to whine about our "unbearable loss" "Ohhhh Shaffy! it's not fair, ok, call me later o..."

"Will do..Bye Yale"

"See ya."

I'm trying not to stare after him, but God damn the devil to hellfire the boy is hot.




"Please buzz me when you get back to earth"

"Sorry jo. First off.. you're a horses ass for keeping me waiting, secondly make this quick I need to get back to work, some of don't live off of daddy's money."

"Can I at least buy a coffee?"

"No...."

"Ok..."

I don't like when Suni becomes serious...seriously. "What happened?"

"You mean who happened..."

"Ok..?" She adjusts her self and puts her hands on the table.

"Toba proposed."
That's when the gleam of the HUGE rock on her finger caught my eye.