The room was swirling and my eyes weren't even open, but I could bet you, it was goingggg....I felt drunk. Like puking. What? I dont know. I hadn't eaten in.... 2days? but I had peed like I no woman's business.
I think its been about a month........................Ok, I need to get up now if i intend on not throwing up my already empty stomach unto the sheets... which by the way I need to change.
With all the energy in the world I open my eyes....yup. it IS spinning. I shut them tight again. Gosh I miss Yale. She would've babied me DIE. And I need that sooo much. Whatever was left in my tummy started making its way up FAST, with a vengeance. I don't know where it came from, but I got some kind of energy like this and I bolted for the bathroom. Because this was a small motel, the bathroom was like.... right here. I emptied my already empty stomach... it was mainly water and bile....gross.
I collapsed on the floor beside the WC cause that's all I could do and just lay there , semi-conscious....and just thought over the past weeks. How had I come to be alone, broke, sick, pregnant and.......lost?
I collapsed on the floor beside the WC cause that's all I could do and just lay there , semi-conscious....and just thought over the past weeks. How had I come to be alone, broke, sick, pregnant and.......lost?
When Toba had come knocking on my door again after he had blatantly told me to get rid of baby....I was optimistic, I thought he was coming back to apologize and tell me that he was sorry and he had overreacted, so I was already ready to forgive and do this together. I was scared and in love. So I needed him to be there..... but no... Toba had come to re-iterate his point. He came with numbers of places where we could go to get rid of baby before it grew. This maga had gone to do research when he had walked out saying "trust me its best". The funny thing is weeks prior to finding out about baby I would have agreed to this whole "lets get rid of it before it grows," nonsense, but once it settle...marinated in my head that baby was me....just inside me.... I was baby's protector, shield, home........ it just made no sense me chucking baby out. I'm not that heartless.........apparently Toba is. Hiss! Calling my child evil. It's his FATHER that is evil..... freaking idiot..... who gives him the RIGHT to call my child evil? Foool!
My skin was numbing because the tiles were cold and I was in underwear....I started crawling back to the bed. In the very long process it was taking me, I had a glimpse of myself in the wall mirror........Lord father in heaven. I looked like a starved animal.....especially with me sprawled on the ground like this.....I didn't know I had started crying until a tear fell on my hand. I am a sorry sight right now. And Ive succumbed so far into this abyss of depression I cant even pull myself out. I really need to call Yale..................................how would I even begin? "Hey Yale, wanna come get me from Ports Dale, ya... the town 7 hours away.... oh by the way long time no talk, I know you've been wondering where Ive been....but hey you know now....."
I haven't spoken to her in a minute! I called her when I first left to tell her I was gone and I'm fine and to ensure mommy doesn't call the police... man... mommy..... I hope I haven't killed her? She was another thing I was running away from, she was smothering me with all the drama and heyyy Suni you have killed me spiel........................................that aside, I had called Yale a few more times after to tell her I just needed time away, I could hear the worry in her voice, but I knew she understood..... and she seemed to have given up trying to talk me into coming back... the last time I called, about 3 weeks ago...she was just like ya.... whatever......I think that's when this stupid depression set in......
I stared at my body in the mirror.... i looked malnourished for sure, but I knew that wasn't a bloated tummy, but baby. And because I couldn't keep food or anything down, I was starving baby......
"I'm sorry love...." my voice was cracked and it hurt my lips to talk but i felt i had to voice my apology to my child....I was responsible for baby now...the onus is on me to ensure everything for baby is right.... meaning I have to get on up outta here! .......................First to the hospital.
Arinze......Before I had left town I had went in for a check up and he had given me his number.... said I should be back in 2 weeks.... and he hoped I kept the baby....I had never called or went back... but I needed to know baby was fine....and I feel... for some reason he's the only one who could assure me....
I got to the bed and crawled in....with much effort. With even greater effort I sat up.My bag was on the nightstand near me so I emptied it beside me on the bed and started to look for the card and my phone.... they weren't too hard to find.
I played with the card for a bit....
It IS time I get my self going. Before I kill baby... and then myself.
I dial the number.
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Everyday I wish Suni would just call me back and tell me where and how she is. She hadn't done this for weeks...and I was starting to get worried again. De' had fallen ill was in the hospital, Mommy had to come back... Toba was just PISSING me off with his STUPID questions and pointless comments, and yes... I was at wits end. I neeed that heifer to call me.
I jumped when my phone rang because....ya it was weird considering my trail of thoughts. It rang again and the number showed. Arinze. We had come together as a team when I was desperate to find Suni some weeks back, we exchanged numbers and said we'd keep each other updated if anything new came up.
"Arinze???"
"Yale, she called."
I bolted out of my seat...."Are you lying to me now, where is she? Did she say where? When did this happen?"
"Wait Wait... slow down....." he laughed... and it sounded like one of relief.....I could so relate. "she called to book an appointment........" Ok? " Ya.....she sounded not good.... I asked her where she was, she said it doesn't matter cause shes leaving and coming down.... I told her to come in tomorrow at 4."
"Thank you so much Arinze, thanks so much.. you don't know how much-"
"Its ok Yale, I was...am worried too....."
I started crying silently.
"It's ok.... just don't raise too much noise, keep this between me and you, lets make sure shes fine first k... I have to run, see you at 4 tomorrow....."
"Again thank you so much, Like.... I owe you PLENTYYY dokita!"
He laughed and clicked off..... I sat at my desk smiling and crying all at once.
I'ma slap that girl when I see her ehnnnnnn.... ah!!! she better be VERY afraid.