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I must have been
sitting there for while. However long I cannot tell. The street was silent and
all I could hear was the wind. My thoughts were silent. Nothing. My phone rang.
It was Suni.
Mr Johnson. Clap for yourself."
I was too tired to
even argue. "You found her?"
I found her. I'm her best friend."
Thanks..." I was fumbling. All of a
sudden, this wasn't as important. Guilt stabbed my heart at this realization.
she's OK right?" I tried to add
some emotion and excitement to my voice.
Johnson! What the hell is wrong with you. 5 mins ago you were disturbing my
life to find Yale now you're giving me this... nonchalant attitude?"
just tired... I'm happy Yale is OK. I assume you won't tell me where she
figured. It's OK. So far she's fine, I'm happy. I'll give her some breathing
The heavy sigh I
heard from Suni was very... understandable.
are just something else. I don tiya. I'm going home. Please don't call me for
ANYTHING.. before you fast track my babies arrival. Abegi. Carry your family
woes FAR from me... " she kept
on raving about premature births, heart problems, funny toes, I didn't even
hear. My mind was trying to figure out my mode of action with this thing. A lot
of things started to come into perspective with Ronke.
going. Bye" Suni didn't even
wait for my reply. She hung up.
I folded the papers
in my hand, stood up, locked my door and headed to the car.
some...Well.. WE have some talking to do.
I want to ignore the
call. I mean... I KNOW why he is calling...but I'm not sure I'm ready for this.
I knew this moment was going to eventually come.. but argh... I pick up.
he paused. I wasn't going to
encourage him to talk. After a bit I think he realized this.
Aw man.... Deep
breaths Ronke. Deep breaths. "Oh...OK."
I walked to the
window "Erm... do you want me to come out or......"
I know he's very
uncomfortable around me.
I'll come in.........................." he paused for a brief moment then added "Or
rather... can I come in?"
Wow..Mr Nice guy. "Yea...
the doors open." I had walked to the door and unlocked it. I didn't
open it however. I really wanted EVERYTHING to be his call this time. I walked
to the living room ans sat down. And I waited. No turning back now.
He entered the house
and walked to the couch adjacent to mine. I didn't move. I just watched
him. It's all you babe.
He sat down...and we
just looked at each other. Could've been a minute could've been five.
that's why you terrorized my life."
I laughed before I
could stop myself. Great intro Mr Johnson. I just laughed and shook my head. "I
really loud and adjusted his seating position so he was leaning forward with both
his hands, which were supported by knees, covering his mouth. His eyes never
left me. I can't remember the last time Shafa looked at me for this long, with
this much... interest. I was tempted to savour the moment.
didn't you say anything Ronke?"
Why didn't I? Well
since its I've got his undivided attention. Might as well seize this rare and
probably last opportunity.
"What did you
want me to say Shafa? Abi what do you want me to say?."
My heart was
beating faster because I was about to bare it. No censors, no holding back.. I
would be nervous too.
"I went crazy
I know. I mean, I didn't know how else to handle myself. I fell hard for you
Shafa. I fell hard... but obviously you didn't care.. and why should you. After
all you were head over heels in love with my cousin. I was just... an in
between, you know. In the mean time. And you know what that's fine. It's
not like I didn't know what I was getting myself into. But common, you mean not
one ounce of emotion was felt for me? I find that hard to
I looked at him, but
I wasn't expecting an answer... So I continued.
you finally showed some interest in me, I really wanted to make you
happy. Hell I was ecstatic myself. Shafa Johnson found me attractive. You don't
even know what that did to my ego! And you fed it well! I don't know what it
was, but the way you looked at me, the way you spoke to me, you made me laugh
and then when we finally..."
I didn't want to have
to spell out our relations, but what the hell I need him to KNOW.
"You took my
heart Shafa. You probably don't remember because it was nothing for you but...
I remember EVERY single moment. I remember what you wore. I remember what you
said right before you kissed me and I KNEW..." I laughed at the vivid memory.
"I knew I was
getting some that night. I was ready anyways. I remember how you even smelled.
As in... Shafa that was when I KNEW I was going to go crazy if I lost you. Even
though I knew I never really had you. But you slept with me Shafa... and you
were NOT faking. Everything I felt from you was not a sham. I know this.. and..
I know you know it too."
He hadn't taken his
eyes off me. I still had his attention.
"I had to
preserve or recreate that moment... I was in love with you and you know what...
I wasn't ready to face the fact that you didn't love me... and what we had was
...nothing. So when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic before I was
anything else. I thought at least now you know... maybe... but of course...
that wasn't the case. You had already started to brush me off. Treat me like
dirt. At first I thought you were just being moody but it got worse. You were
just detached. It was obvious you didn't even like my face. and that confused
the hell out of me. How does one bare so much of their emotions on one
night and then be all of a sudden repulsed at my very presence the next. It
broke me. So in one of my random spontaneous depressive moments right before I
left Miami to come back. I aborted the baby and decided you weren't worth my
time or emotions."
He flinched a little.
I saw it.
wasn't like I was ready for a kid anyways." I adjusted my sitting positions because somehow that
admission made me embarrassed.
"So when I
left, I shut the door on everything I felt about you. But then you moved back
from Miami and all of a sudden everything just went in full circle. I was back
to where I was. But this time. We are all present. Yale is here, you are here,
and I am here. I know I have no chance against Yale. She has everything. But I
just wished.. I just hoped that maybe... you know..............."
All of a sudden, just
as soon as I started, I was soon out of words. I didn't know what else to say.
"Wow." Shafa sighed it. With a lot of energy.
He sat back in his
chair and used his fingers to pinch his nose. Obviously he was tensed.
understand." I felt restless
sitting down waiting for a verdict so I stood up. "Want a drink?"
He nodded. I
decided to give me a moment alone with his thoughts.
I had answered all my emails. Given they weren't
lengthy responses, but they answered the questions and addressed all the
purposes of the emails My work was done. My fingers hurt but my body was
relaxed. I leaned back in my chair and looked at my screen. I closed the window
for the emails and opened a new browser. I typed in the Google search box.
I know... I know. Googling advice is NEVER a good
idea... but somehow I felt I might find some good points in there. Only 2 pages
Yale. NO MORE...
I clicked the first result. Signs of a cheating
He had had gulped his
glass of water. It was finished before I had settled back into my seat.
I sipped my water. I didn't
want apologies. "Thanks.... I guess?"
real, I'm sorry. I should NEVER have..-"
"Let me just
stop you there. Before you commence in crushing the pieces of my already broken
heart. I know... I wasn't your greatest decision I get that no need to
getting me wrong...."
Shafa you want to apologize for ever being with me.. but you KNOW you are
not sorry for that moment..."
He stared at me...
and I knew I had made a point.
think of that night... whether or not my crazy side has turned you off in the
recent months, you still think of what happened between us."
honestly that it was nothing."
He stared at me. I
it?" I wanted an answer at least to
silence my own demons.
I was confused... "No...
"No it was
not nothing Ronke...you hear?"
He ran his hands over his face..."Are you happy?"
Yes. I was happy. At
least I know I wasn't and am not crazy.
you KNOW I love Yale. I love Yale more than anything in this world. I've always
loved her. What we had...." he
paused. " It was a mistake"
the happy moment is over.
"It was a
terrible mistake. And the consequences are .. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rope
you in, I didn't mean for this to happen. It was really selfish of me. I'm
sorry you had to do what you do and I really wished you had told me,....."
will you have done? Swooped me into loving arms? C'mon... you wouldn't have
wanted that baby either. I did what benefitted both of us." I felt the bitterness coming back up. The one that I had
used to protect myself all this time. I hated being this vulnerable and this
one moment I have decided to bar my emotions I'm getting ripped apart. Reflex
bitterness was coming back to protect me.
the point is I want closure that's why I wanted to tell you about everything. I'm
not expecting you to all of a sudden want to be with me, I know it won't work.
And quite frankly I'm tired of exhausting my emotions on trying to relive that
one moment in Miami. I just want closure. Now you know. I'm good. "
I stood up. I wanted
to get away. He grabbed my hand...
"Ronke..." he stood up. He was really close. I wasn't with heels. I
forgot how tall he was standing right next to me. "Please
He took my other
hand.. "Please" he turned me to face him. I had to look
finish talking...we need to."
No turning back
Ronke. I sat back down.
Ronke. No bullshit, be real with me...... What do you want?"
I don't know!!! I
wanted to shout. I thought I knew all this time. But recently I've realized
wanting something that isn't yours is just really time and energy consuming. I
guess I just want answers
"Do you have
ANY feelings for me? As in ANYTHING... or is it just... hate?"
"Ronke I don't
hate you...I mean you irritate the hell out of me... but.. I don't hate
are asking if I'm still attracted to you... the answer is No. I not. I DO
remember the night we spent together... I can't forget it.. but for me it was
only physical....I...I'm sorry...."
He was still holding
my hands... I looked at them.
The weird thing is...
I knew he was telling the truth. See, with Shafa, everything is sincere.
I guess that's fine.
I mean... what was I expecting? A proposal?
manage my attraction Ronke, but you GOTTA manage your emotions too. I love Yale
and I really don't want to fuck whatever else we have left even further. I want
to marry her. I want HER to have my kids....."
They all cut deep.
All his words.. but it was bitter sweet.
Because for the first
time in a while, I had closure. No more wishful thinking, no more
Life is the number one entertainer of all times. I have to give it a round of applause. I don't know how long I have been lying down here. Probably day 3 now I estimate. I haven't looked at my phone but I know its been ringing. Shafa....probably Suni... I wont be surprised to see Ronke's name on that list. Bitch. I turned my face away from the ceiling back to the wall. I had deduced a pattern sequence in my red wall. I could find it again. My phone vibrated again.
What I can't really understand is....why this is breaking my heart so much. I mean. Shafa doesn't have iron running through his veins. His a human being. And like a human being... he's wired to mess up. I'm laying here. I've cried out all my insides. Ive not eaten. I've not showered. I'm putting my life on pause because of something that was....is...inevitable.
But man....it hurts. It really does.
Life MUST go on. Its getting back up that matter right? OK now. I'll get up. And get on. But I'll be damned if I don't learn my lesson this time. First it was to beg him to be serious with me, instead he dashed me rejection and insult. Now he has decided to top that act with fooling around with my cousin. Let it not be said my mother raised an idiot.
It was like drinking cold water after going days without it in the hot sun. Refreshing, energizing.
I rolled out of bed... and went to put myself together.
"Ah Ahn. Shafa she's not picking my calls, but come o. What exactly did you do? Yale is not one to ignore me. This is definitely code red...."
"I fucked up.... I messed up REALLY bad Suni... "
"I quite sure of this fact you've just stated... if it wasn't BAD, Yale would have picked up my call and cried, hell she would've called me first. So this story of you guys are seriously arguing and yada yada yada....its not joining. Speak to me... "
"I'm sure she'll get around to it eventually. But please Suni seriously... you have to try and call her again. I haven't heard from her.... "
"Ohh-hh... I hate to meddle in couple stuff....I have other problems to atte-"
"Suni its been 3 days.... please"
"WHAT?" I could hear her sputter and adjust in her seat "Shafa! And your calling me NOW?? What if something has happened to her... OHHHHH YOU IDIOT... WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO??" She must've gotten up cause her ranting and raving was clouded by moving furniture and noise.
"Suni... please calm down....the babies..." She was saying something about castration "Suni...? SUNI!"?
"What?? Look I'm going to find Yale. And God save you that she's not OK. Because if shes not.... Haaaaaaaa..."
And she hung up.
Well the bright side is, she's definitely going to be calling me back and letting me know Yale's status.
I'm gonna wait.
My phone rang. I picked with the quickness.
"No fool, its Ronke."
Shit. I shouldve looked at my phone. "What?"
"Na wa o... so violent. Hello would've been sufficient sha"
"Eff off seems more appropriate"
"Stop being rude, it doesn't suit you."
"Keep being a bitch, it works for you"
Her giggle annoyed me. "Feisty.....anyways, please come and open the door"
"The door... open it."
No way this girl came to my door. "You must be crazy."
"May be... now.. open the door...I need somewhere to put all this food" I had walked to the peep hole. Lo and behold this girl was at my door with a huge tray of food.
"And my house seemed like the best place?"
"Erm I can hear you eh? Open the door jo and stop being a pussy"
"I wont repeat myself. Since you can hear me clearly...." I hung up the phone and decided to speak. "Fuck. OFF!"
I walked back to room. I had to call Suni anyways or text her or something. If Ronke wanted, she could sleep outside. That demon is not entering my house.
Why am I doing this? Yes I'm mad at Shafa....but I have no other reason other than I'm mad at myself...I was obsessed with Shafa. I remember the first day we kissed. He hadn't wanted to. He'd kept on saying it was weird until I kissed him. That had shut him up nicely. I didn't need anyone to tell me that He was into me. I had seen the way he looked at me.And God knows I had been looking at him for a LONG time. He was the perfect guy.... well sort of. Well put together, easy on the eyes.... and adventurous. The whole "affair" was just blood sizzling. I mean, he wasn't dating Yale. They had broken up! So it wasn't like I stole her man. I will never feel guilty for that.
I slumped down on the steps in front of the door. I had come here for a sole purpose today. To sleep with ShafaShafa, because if you knew the REAL truth you'd probably die. This small truth that you're running away from, the sweet truth o. Its not even the bitter one. Me I've had to swallow BOTH. I chose to deal with it in a way that worked for me. I didn't need no one to hold my hand or anything.
It's not that I thought me and Shafa will marry or anything? No! But things got complicated during our... time. I handled business and tried to get back into things but he preferred to be left alone. He realized all of a sudden he loved Yale. He was coming back. All the weekend visits to Miami or rendevouz in differernt cities in between was all of a sudden too costly for him. He wanted Yale. Yale Yale! Ronke was useless now, no need for her anymore. What was I meant to do with my heart? And all the feelings? I knowwwww it was just meant to be ONLY physical but when you have a ba-
My phone rang.
It was Suni.
"Where is Yale?"
"Where are you?"
Ah Ah... 21 questions? "Er... out. Why?"
"You're not home?"
"Suni, What is the problem?"
"I'm looking for Yale. I wanted to come and pick you so we could find her togther"
I've now become detective. Ha! If only she knew.
"That won't be possible, wont be home till much later...I'll call her though?"
"UUUGGHHHH! Fine. Please call her as many times until she picks up. We can't find her. I'm going to her office to check now sha..."
"Ok will do... call me when you find her k."
I looked at myself.
Here I was sitting down on the steps in front of a man's house. A man who loathed me. I had food, and a lot of.......loving to share. But of course, I will be rejected here too.
Pride is a bastard. But you know what. Love is an even BIGGER bastard.
I reached in my bag and brought out an envelope. This was my plan B. It wasn't really much of a plan, but what the hell. I dropped it in his mailbox. Sooner or later. He'll call me.
I packed my kaya and started heading out. Hopefully I can find a cab.
I looked through the peep hole. Seemed empty. So I took a step of boldness and opened the door.
She was gone. Thank God.
That girl is crazy I swear. Bringing me food and acting like we are best buddies.
I stepped back in to close the door, but I saw the envelope sticking out of my mailbox.
So I took it.
I looked around one more time before I closed the door. Just in case she was in the bushes.
I swear its possible o!
I opened the envelope. The first was....
"WHAT??" The word burst through my lips.My heart was in my mouth. And it was beating at ridiculously fast.
It was a pregnancy test result. It had Ronke's name.... and it was...positive.
"What the fuck is this??" I turned the paper around because... It was confusing me.
"Nooo It can't be. Ahn ahn...I haven't touched Ronke sinceeee.."
I scrambled looking for the date on this damn thing.
09/03/26.......Nooo....No....No way.... NO WAY.
Ronke and I were doing runs at that time... Nahhhh... I slumped to the floor...the paper and envelope fell from my hand... and another peice of paper.
I picked it up. I was a smaller slip. Looked like a receipt.
Indeed it was. From St. Josephs Health care center, in Miami.....It was a receipt for $400.25.
He looked at me like i was speaking another language. I kind of felt the same way. I had given myself the same bewildered look when I had said my thoughts out loud to my reflection. I didn't want to but somehow I felt I HAD to. At least think of all options. Whats going to be best for the babies.... Oh yea I hadn't even told Arinze about baby number 2. Should I? Or should I wait for this shock of this conversation to pass?
"You have to be kidding me Suni." He fell back on the counter like the force of news all of a sudden made his knees weak. "Why?"
I walked around the counter, dropped my bag on it and opened the fridge. A yogurt topped with honey would be divine right now. I started fixing my snack. "I went for the appointment yesterday..." I brought out the yogurt...Arinze seemed to have stocked up on the strawberry and banana flavors. My favorite. Aww...tears stung my eyes. I brought out 4. I know he was waiting for me to continue. I felt his eyes. I started searching for the honey. "Wheres the honey?"
"The one beside the dishes..." He pointed. I followed his fore finger and spotted the cabinet. Viola. I got excited looking at the honey. "So yes...the doctors... was a good visit by the way. Things are great..." I opened the top and started pouring.
"OK...What happened Suni?" He was waiting.
Ah, he wont even give me the opportunity to run a couple rounds around this bushel. Kill Joy. The top of my cup was now a beautiful glassy golden brown. Hmm... granola crumbs? Ahhhhh next time. I dug around for a spoon. OK..I change my mind. Maybe I SHOULD tell him about the babies first, then this adoption talk will make more sense. Yes... Mhmn...
I took a deep breath. "Arinze. The babies are good."
I allowed my sentence to marinate as I stuffed my face with frozen cold yogurt and honey. The taste was orgasmic. A beautiful distraction from the now downloading shock in Arinze's beautiful grey eyes.
I nodded. Mommy says its bad manners to talk with your mouth full. Hear that kiddos? No talking and eating...
"No way......" I swallowed. The concoction went down slow.
"Yes Arinze, I am having twins." His eyebrows shot up, as if it REALLY now dawned on him what i meant. Since he didn't acknowledge my revelation verbally. I decided to continue speaking. "Hence why I am adoption consideration. I don't know if I can handle two Arinze. I barely could overcome the shock of one and now two..... " I shook my head and inhaled another bite of my goo. It was weirdly comforting.
"Wow...I....I don't even know what to say."
"Say it makes sense and I'm not being selfish."
He shook his head slowly like I was asking for Platinum on a bed of Moon-sand. "Then just say Im crazy and I shouldn't do it." I needed him to support me and reprimand me. I needed him to give me the logic to make a decision that would be the best for babies and I. I needed him to really just take this burden off of me. I was tired, confused and just....hungry. They really should package this ish. Damn.
"Come lets sit and talk...." He stood up and guided me. His hand barely touched my elbow as we walked to the living room. It was as if he was scared to touch me.
We sat down and i took another bite of my food. He watched me.... I ingested and quickly put my mouth to work again.
"Why are you so quick to give them up?" The question was so blatant and so... blunt. It stung. I was rushing to give up my own flesh and blood and the confusion and ....disappointment I saw in Arinze's eyes just killed me. Tears fell into my cup.
"I'm not giving them up.... " He didn't didn't say anything he just kept on staring at me. "I'm not sure Arinze. I'm confused. I'm scared. I can't take care of two kids! I cant...TWINS Arinze. TWO! not one... TWO! What am I meant to do? How am I meant to take care of them. Even if I get a great job day care alone will be horrible. God knows what my parents stance on this will be... I'm just in a ... its the best option I could come up with... I need clarity. Please...." I was choking and shaking by now. My words barely came out but they did and I know he heard them all. He held me close and let me dry it out. I would have given all my money to hear his thoughts.
His silence was calming me but making me so nervous. it hurt. "Please say something..."
He rubbed my back for a moment...."A friend kissed me today."
"What?" the question popped out before the statement was fully processed. "Huh??" How random. What?? I was truly confused. I turned to look at him. "I don't get..."
"A friend of mine.. close friend..kissed me." He was still holding me...I was still confused.
"As in..... like a .... guy?"
He laughed..." I beg o..." his pidgin made me smile a little...
"Nah.. a girl. My best friend slash ex.....times a while..." He took his hands away...and sat forward...then rubbed his face in his palms.
"OK...." I was a bit... what is this? "So.... did you kiss her back? Was it a ...mutual thing?"
He looked me "No.. its was not..its not...Me and Q have been over for years... shes moved on.. I've moved on.. she shocked me today with the stunt and yea... I just wanted to tell you."
"Why....?" was I angry? No.. I wasn't.. I was... just confused! No other way to explain this feeling.
"Because. I want you to know. You're my best friend now. You're closer to me than anyone else in the entire world right now. I want to tell you everything even though you still don't know everything about me. Suni you must know by now that I'm falling in love you. And I want to see this go far... twins, triplets whatever. So I figured maybe I should start telling you everything. Good bad and ugly... I don't know"
This SON OF A DONKEY just hung up the phone on me.
What an idiot. I was so irritated now. I wonder if the dunce is going to tell Yale right now. Or maybe I should? Nahh... let me wait for the fool to put his foot in his mouth. Either ways. I have an upper hand here.
This guy wants to fuck with me. Don't mess with me o. It not I even want the stupid guy....... OK that's a lie. But whatever jo.
I paced my room. One of two things are going to happen.Tonight, tomorrow or in the near future. Shafa is going to call me back. Or Yale is going to call me. I need a game plan for both scenarios.
I got to scheming. Human Resources readings can perch for a moment.
"Suni... don't give the babies up. I'll take care of you and the babies. I'll marry you."
My mouth went lax. He had my hands in hands now. And he then he went on his knees.
"Arghhh I'm not doing this right but whatever. Marry me Suni...."
This was moving too fast. too quick and it was confusing me. I need to stand....so I stood.
"Suni... what do you want me to do."
"No." I would regret this later, but this wasn't right. "No...I won't"
He had stood with me but now he just sat back down... "Oh..."
"I wont marry you now Arinze, but if you're still around after I pop these monsters and we are still cool maybe Ill consider it... so rain check."
Arinze loved me. Yes I was still on that... all this marriage gibberish was just secondary. Marriage ni... covenant ko. Abeg leave those things. Its not like that people marry. It shocked me how clearly I was thinking now. Considering two minutes ago my life was a black cloud with no clear direction. Right now it was clear. This beautiful man in front of me just told me he loves me. All is well in the world.
I felt a weird bump in my tummy. My hand flew to my tummy..."Oh"
"What?" Arinze was by my side... "Come and sit down... what happened?"
bump bump! My baby or babies are kicking... or punching tears stung my eyes. "Arinze they aare kicking!! Or something!!!" I grabbed his hand. And placed it over the place where I felt the kick.
Of course nothing happened.
"They just kicked or punched me twice! Wait....." Nothing.. "Ahhh babiess don't fall my hand... do it again now..."
Arinze was laughing. "I guess they are shy now."
"No!" He wanted to remove his hand but I kept it there. Sitting very still.
And then BUMP! We both saw the little bump on the other side of my tummy!
We laughed and waited for another one but I think that was all the entertainment the two were going to give us for the day.
"Ok tell me whats going on now." Yale didn't even hug or kiss me. I took off my shoes and walked to the fridge. Water.
"Sit." I gestured to the chair in the kitchen. I sat down on the other.
"What is this...."
"Sorry babe. I'm sorry."
"I don't like this kind of nonsense. What happened?"
Band aid Shafa. Band aid. I took a gulp of water. Yale's hands reached for me "I slept with Ronke" her hands froze. I didn't bother looking up to see her face. I wasn't ready for that. Band aid Shafa. I kept going "Not recently though...a long time ago. When we broke up. Ronke and I had a fling. She has been after me for years. And I guess at that time things were just so... fucked up. So yea.. we hooked up. But her crazy's too much for me. It didn't take too long for me to realize that I couldn't handle her wahala. So I called it quits... and weird enough soon after we got back together. I have never believed wholly in nemesis until now. She's been on my case for a while now. And It's been hell Yale." I sucked it up and looked up at her. She was crying.... call me a coward but I looked back down. It was easier to talk that way anyways. "Remember when we at the hospital a while back.. and Ronke came by... ? She took a ride with me...?" I didn't look up to see if she remembered. I'm sure she did..."Well.. things got odd. Bottom line is we fooled around and it was just awkward. I stopped it before it got fatal and got out of there."
"You asked me on a date that night" her voice was cracked. I really didn't need to see her to know she was broken. I could hear it already. Band aid Shafa.
"I needed to prove to myself I was right. Ronke is the fucking devil I swear. I promise you Yale, that has been the last time I've let her come near me!" I reached for her...she pulled back so fast. She was holding her her mouth with one hand and the other held herself. She was crying and I was the cause. I made the love of my life cry. AGAIN. "I'm tired of keeping this. It was eating me up and Ronke wasn't making it better. She was threatening to tell you and she was... I couldn't do that shit anymore. You're going to be my wife Yale... I couldn't have that skeleton hanging in my closet." I could hear her sobs now... and it took everything in me not to try and hold her. I felt like a fool. But this is the band aid feeling. It can only get better from here. No more secrets. "Yale I'm sorry. From the deepest part of my heart. I should NEVER have gotten with Ronke. split up or not. I'm hoping and... using all of my credit with God.... that you'll forgive me. I... Please...."
I reached for her again... this time she stood up...."I-I-ll....I'll like to g-g-o go to bed n-n-now. P-P-Please see yours-s-self o-out." She walked to her room and shut the door.
My legs felt like ice blocks. I was numb. I don't even know which blow hurt more. Shafa being with Ronke or Ronke being with Shafa. Either ways I was fatally injured. All this time... Ronke had been following Shafa. And all this time Shafa had been accepting? covering.. what ever the hell he was doing with Ronke.My fiance. Love of my life. And with my cousin. MY COUSIN O! My BABY cousin. Chai.
I should've known though. The way Ronke always was around Shafa and she did all of a sudden become closer to me when Shafa came back to town. My God.... I'm sooo stupid. So this is what betrayal feels like. Shit........ Ronke .... you BITCH!!!! YOU EVIL SLUT!!! My God.... How could Shafa even resist her though. Ronke has always been a stunner and her body.... But man... I trusted you Shafa... so much it never even OCCURED to me... but man I should've known....I remember how quickly he had picked up a random girl before he left for Miami... why wouldn't he have quickly found the next main squeeze? But RONKE?? Like my cousin... that's like my sister... that's my blood....Shafa....kai....
I laid on the bed and cried because for now I couldn't do anything else.
I had booked marked 1 page so far. And that was because I felt I was being too picky. It was called Adonai. I almost didn't find it as it wasn't on the first few pages of the google search term, but somehow for some odd reason I had clicked through 5 ages of google results and somehow Adonai had jumped at me. I loved their slogan. "When there's no where else to go" It was simple but strong. Their website was very simple but I could tell it was professionally done. It wasn't a random person with no experience whatsoever in web design that decided to piece together a site, this was well thought out. Their choice of words, their images...Very marketable.
So far with everything I had read, I was impressed. Felt almost as though there were talking to me specifically. So I had bookmarked it. I was going to marinate on this a bit longer. I needed to anyways.
My bladder started complaining again. These two creatures wont kill me o! Every time they wan wee wee.
I put my laptop to sleep and went to address mother nature.