Thursday, February 25, 2016

Would you like to hear "Spilt Ink" as a Podcast Series?

Hey Guys!

It has been FOREVER and some hasn't it?
Season 3 has been on the cooker for too long, but here's a question.

Would you like to hear "Spilt Ink" as a Podcast Series?

Comment Below or use the #SpiltInkPodcast to let me know!

< 3 and always on my mind!

I have since migrated to my personal blog/website 
where you can also find these series!

Monday, September 26, 2011

S2. W22 Closure

I must have been sitting there for while. However long I cannot tell. The street was silent and all I could hear was the wind. My thoughts were silent. Nothing. My phone rang. It was Suni.

"Well done Mr Johnson. Clap for yourself."

I was too tired to even argue. "You found her?"

"Of course I found her. I'm her best friend."

"Oh.... yea. Thanks..." I was fumbling. All of a sudden, this wasn't as important. Guilt stabbed my heart at this realization.

"Thanks? What the..."

"I'm happy... she's OK right?" I tried to add some emotion and excitement to my voice.

"Shafa Johnson! What the hell is wrong with you. 5 mins ago you were disturbing my life to find Yale now you're giving me this... nonchalant attitude?"

"Suni, I'm just tired... I'm happy Yale is OK. I assume you won't tell me where she is."


"Yea I figured. It's OK. So far she's fine, I'm happy. I'll give her some breathing space..."

The heavy sigh I heard from Suni was very... understandable.

"You guys are just something else. I don tiya. I'm going home. Please don't call me for ANYTHING.. before you fast track my babies arrival. Abegi. Carry your family woes FAR from me... " she kept on raving about premature births, heart problems, funny toes, I didn't even hear. My mind was trying to figure out my mode of action with this thing. A lot of things started to come into perspective with Ronke.

"I'm going. Bye" Suni didn't even wait for my reply.  She hung up. 

I folded the papers in my hand, stood up, locked my door and headed to the car.

Ronke has some...Well.. WE have some talking to do.


I want to ignore the call. I mean... I KNOW why he is calling...but I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I knew this moment was going to eventually come.. but argh... I pick up.


"Ronke...." he paused. I wasn't going to encourage him to talk. After a bit I think he realized this.
"Ronke I'm outside..."

Aw man.... Deep breaths Ronke. Deep breaths. "Oh...OK."
I walked to the window "Erm... do you want me to come out or......"
I know he's very uncomfortable around me.

"Nah.. I'll come in.........................." he paused for a brief moment then added "Or rather... can I come in?"

Wow..Mr Nice guy. "Yea... the doors open." I had walked to the door and unlocked it. I didn't open it however. I really wanted EVERYTHING to be his call this time. I walked to the living room ans sat down. And I waited. No turning back now.

He entered the house and walked to the couch adjacent to mine.  I didn't move. I just watched him. It's all you babe.

He sat down...and we just looked at each other. Could've been a minute could've been five. 

"So... that's why you terrorized my life."

I laughed before I could stop myself. Great intro Mr Johnson. I just laughed and shook my head. "I guess."

He  sighed really loud and adjusted his seating position so he was leaning forward with both his hands, which were supported by knees, covering his mouth. His eyes never left me. I can't remember the last time Shafa looked at me for this long, with this much... interest. I was tempted to savour the moment.

"Why didn't you say anything Ronke?"

Why didn't I? Well since its I've got his undivided attention. Might as well seize this rare and probably last opportunity.

"What did you want me to say Shafa? Abi what do you want me to say?."
My heart was  beating faster because I was about to bare it. No censors, no holding back.. I would be nervous too.
"I went crazy I know. I mean, I didn't know how else to handle myself. I fell hard for you Shafa. I fell hard... but obviously you didn't care.. and why should you. After all you were head over heels in love with my cousin. I was just... an in between, you know.  In the mean time. And you know what that's fine. It's not like I didn't know what I was getting myself into. But common, you mean not one ounce of emotion was felt for me? I find that hard to believe..." 

I looked at him, but I wasn't expecting an  answer... So I continued.

"When you  finally showed some interest in me, I really wanted to make you happy. Hell I was ecstatic myself. Shafa Johnson found me attractive. You don't even know what that did to my ego! And you fed it well! I don't know what it was, but the way you looked at me, the way you spoke to me, you made me laugh and then when we finally..."

I didn't want to have to spell out our relations, but what the hell I need him to KNOW.

"You took my heart Shafa. You probably don't remember because it was nothing for you but... I remember EVERY single moment. I remember what you wore. I remember what you said right before you kissed me and I KNEW..." I laughed at the vivid memory.

"I knew I was getting some that night. I was ready anyways. I remember how you even smelled. As in... Shafa that was when I KNEW I was going to go crazy if I lost you. Even though I knew I never really had you. But you slept with me Shafa... and you were NOT faking. Everything I felt from you was not a sham. I know this.. and.. I know you know it too."

He hadn't taken his eyes off me. I still had his attention.

"I had to preserve or recreate that moment... I was in love with you and you know what... I wasn't ready to face the fact that you didn't love me... and what we had was ...nothing. So when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic before I was anything else. I thought at least now you know... maybe... but of course... that wasn't the case. You had already started to brush me off. Treat me like dirt. At first I thought you were just being moody but it got worse. You were just detached. It was obvious you didn't even like my face. and that confused the hell out of me. How does one  bare so much of their emotions on one night and then be all of a sudden repulsed at my very presence the next. It broke me. So in one of my random spontaneous depressive moments right before I left Miami to come back. I aborted the baby and decided you weren't worth my time or emotions."

He flinched a little. I saw it.

"Well it wasn't like I was ready for a kid anyways." I adjusted my sitting positions because somehow that admission made me embarrassed. 

"So when I left, I shut the door on everything I felt about you. But then you moved back from Miami and all of a sudden everything just went in full circle. I was back to where I was. But this time. We are all present. Yale is here, you are here, and I am here. I know I have no chance against Yale. She has everything. But I just wished.. I just hoped that maybe... you know..............."

All of a sudden, just as soon as I started, I was soon out of words. I didn't know what else to say.

"Wow." Shafa sighed it. With a lot of energy.


He sat back in his chair and used his fingers to pinch his nose. Obviously he was tensed.
"I... I'm...I'm speechless."

"I understand." I felt restless sitting down waiting for a verdict so I stood up. "Want a drink?"

He nodded.  I decided to give me a moment alone with his thoughts.
I needed a moment a lone with mine anyways.


I had answered all my emails. Given they weren't lengthy responses, but they answered the questions and addressed all the purposes of the emails My work was done. My fingers hurt but my body was relaxed. I leaned back in my chair and looked at my screen. I closed the window for the emails and opened a new browser. I typed in the Google search box. "Cheating Boyfriend".

I know... I know. Googling advice is NEVER a good idea... but somehow I felt I might find some good points in there. Only 2 pages Yale. NO MORE...

I clicked the first result. Signs of a cheating boyfriend...

This should be enlightening.


He had had gulped his glass of water. It was finished before I had settled back into my seat.

"I'm very sorry Ronke.."

I sipped my water. I didn't want apologies. "Thanks.... I guess?"

"No for real, I'm sorry. I  should NEVER have..-"

"Let me just stop you there. Before you commence in crushing the pieces of my already broken heart. I know... I wasn't your greatest decision I get that no need to emphasize it..."

"No you're getting me wrong...."

"Am I? Shafa  you want to apologize for ever being with me.. but you KNOW you are not sorry for that moment..."

He stared at me... and I knew I had made a point.

"You still think of that night... whether or not my crazy side has turned you off in the recent months, you still think of what happened between us."


"Tell me honestly that it was nothing."

He stared at me. I waited.

"Was it?" I wanted an answer at least to silence my own demons.


I was confused... "No... as in...?"

"No it was not nothing hear?" He ran his hands over his face..."Are you happy?"

Yes. I was happy. At least I  know I wasn't and am not crazy.

"But... you KNOW I love Yale. I love Yale more than anything in this world. I've always loved her. What we had...." he paused. " It was a mistake"

.............Aaaannnddd the happy moment is over.

"It was a terrible mistake. And the consequences are .. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rope you in, I didn't mean for this to happen. It was really selfish of me. I'm sorry you had to do what you do and I really wished you had told me,....."

"And what will you have done? Swooped me into loving arms? C'mon... you wouldn't have wanted that baby either. I did what benefitted both of us." I felt the bitterness coming back up. The one that I had used to protect myself all this time. I hated being this vulnerable and this one moment I have decided to bar my emotions I'm getting ripped apart. Reflex bitterness was coming back to protect me.

"See Shafa... the point is I want closure that's why I wanted to tell you about everything. I'm not expecting you to all of a sudden want to be with me, I know it won't work. And quite frankly I'm tired of exhausting my emotions on trying to relive that one moment in Miami. I just want closure. Now you know. I'm good. "

I stood up. I wanted to get away. He grabbed my hand...

"Ronke..." he stood up. He was really close. I wasn't with heels. I forgot how tall he was standing right next to me. "Please sit" 

"I can't Shafa..."

He took my other hand.. "Please" he turned me to face him. I had to look at him.
"Let's finish talking...we need to."

No turning back Ronke. I sat back down.

"Honestly Ronke. No bullshit, be real with me...... What do you want?"

I don't know!!! I wanted to shout. I thought I knew all this time. But recently I've realized wanting something that isn't yours is just really time and energy consuming. I guess I just want answers

"Do you have ANY feelings for me? As in ANYTHING... or is it just... hate?"

"Ronke I don't hate you...I mean you irritate the hell out of me... but.. I don't hate you."


"If you are asking if I'm still attracted to you... the answer is No. I not. I DO remember the night we spent together... I can't forget it.. but for me it was only physical....I...I'm sorry...."

He was still holding my hands... I looked at them.
The weird thing is... I knew he was telling the truth. See, with Shafa, everything is sincere. 

I guess that's fine. I mean... what was I expecting? A proposal?

"That's OK Shafa... "

"I can manage my attraction Ronke, but you GOTTA manage your emotions too. I love Yale and I really don't want to fuck whatever else we have left even further. I want to marry her. I want HER to have my kids....."

They all cut deep. All his words.. but it was bitter sweet.

Because for the first time in a while, I had closure. No more wishful thinking, no more fighting...just understanding. 

"You're right... I understand...."

Sunday, May 15, 2011

S2. W21 Where do we go from here?

Life is the number one entertainer of all times. I have to give it a round of applause. I don't know how long I have been lying down here. Probably day 3 now I estimate. I haven't looked at my phone but I know its been ringing. Shafa....probably Suni... I wont be surprised to see Ronke's name on that list. Bitch. I turned my face away from the ceiling back to the wall. I had deduced a pattern sequence in my red wall. I could find it again. My phone vibrated again.

What I can't really understand is....why this is breaking my heart so much. I mean. Shafa doesn't have iron running through his veins. His a human being. And like a human being... he's wired to mess up. I'm laying here. I've cried out all my insides. Ive not eaten. I've not showered. I'm putting my life on pause because of something that

But hurts. It really does.

Life MUST  go on. Its getting back up that matter right? OK now. I'll get up. And get on. But I'll be damned if I don't learn my lesson this time. First it was to beg him to be serious with me, instead he dashed me rejection and insult. Now he has decided to top that act  with fooling around with my cousin. Let it not be said my mother raised an idiot.

It was like drinking cold water after going days without it in the hot sun. Refreshing, energizing. 
I rolled out of bed... and went to put myself together. 

Work tomorrow is going to be horrendous.


"Suni, please tell me she's called you?"

"Ah Ahn. Shafa she's not picking my calls, but come o. What exactly did you do? Yale is not one to ignore me. This is definitely code red...."

"I fucked up.... I messed up REALLY bad Suni... "

"I quite sure of this fact you've just stated... if it wasn't BAD, Yale would have picked up my call and cried, hell she would've called me first. So this story of you guys are seriously arguing and yada yada yada....its not joining. Speak to me... "

"I'm sure she'll get around to it eventually. But please Suni seriously... you have to try and call her again. I haven't heard from her.... "

"Ohh-hh... I hate to meddle in couple stuff....I have other problems to atte-"

"Suni its been 3 days.... please"
"WHAT?" I could hear her sputter and adjust in her seat "Shafa! And your calling me NOW?? What if something has happened to her... OHHHHH YOU IDIOT... WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO??" She must've gotten up cause her ranting and raving was clouded by moving furniture and noise. 

"Suni... please calm down....the babies..." She was saying something about castration "Suni...? SUNI!"?

"What?? Look I'm going to find Yale. And God save you that she's not OK. Because if shes not.... Haaaaaaaa..." 

And she hung up.

Well the bright side is, she's definitely going to be calling me back and letting me know Yale's status.
I'm gonna wait.

My phone rang. I picked with the quickness.

"No fool, its Ronke."

Shit. I shouldve looked at my phone. "What?"

"Na wa o... so violent. Hello would've been sufficient sha"

"Eff off seems more appropriate"

"Stop being rude, it doesn't suit you."

"Keep being a bitch, it works for you"

Her giggle annoyed me. "Feisty.....anyways, please come and open the door"

"Excuse me?"

"The door... open it."

No way this girl came to my door.  "You must be crazy."

"May be... now.. open the door...I need somewhere to put all this food" I had walked to the peep hole. Lo and behold this girl was at my door with a huge tray of food.

"And my house seemed like the  best place?"

"Erm I can hear you eh? Open the door jo and stop being a pussy"

"I wont repeat myself. Since you can hear me clearly...." I hung up the phone and decided to speak. "Fuck. OFF!" 

I walked back to room. I had to call Suni anyways  or text her or something. If Ronke wanted, she could sleep outside. That demon is not entering my house.


Why am I doing this? Yes I'm mad at Shafa....but I have no other reason other than I'm mad at myself...I was obsessed with Shafa. I remember the first day we kissed. He hadn't wanted to. He'd kept on saying it was weird until I kissed him. That had shut him up nicely. I didn't need anyone to tell me that He was into me. I had seen the way he looked at me.And God knows I had been looking at him for a LONG time. He was the perfect guy.... well sort of.  Well put together, easy on the eyes.... and adventurous.  The whole "affair" was just blood sizzling. I mean, he wasn't dating Yale. They had broken up! So it wasn't like I stole her man. I will never feel guilty for that.

I slumped down on the steps in front of the door. I had come here for a sole purpose today. To sleep with ShafaShafa, because if you knew the REAL truth you'd probably die. This small truth that you're running away from, the sweet truth o. Its not even the bitter one. Me I've had to swallow BOTH. I chose to deal with it in a way that worked for me. I didn't need no one to hold my hand or anything. 

It's not that I thought me and Shafa will marry or anything? No! But things got complicated during our... time. I handled business and tried to get back into things but he preferred to be left alone. He realized all of a sudden he loved Yale. He was coming back. All the weekend visits to Miami or rendevouz in differernt cities in between was all of a sudden too costly for him. He wanted Yale. Yale Yale! Ronke was useless now, no need for her anymore. What was I meant to do with my heart? And all the feelings? I knowwwww it was just meant to be ONLY physical but when you have a ba-

My phone rang.
It was Suni.


"Where is Yale?"

"I dunno..."

"Where are you?"

Ah Ah... 21 questions?  "Er... out. Why?"

"You're not home?"

"Suni, What is the problem?"

"I'm looking for Yale. I wanted to come and pick you so we could find her togther"

I've now become detective. Ha! If only she knew.

"That won't be possible, wont be home till much later...I'll call her though?"

"UUUGGHHHH! Fine. Please call her as many times until she picks up. We can't find her. I'm going to her office to check now sha..."

"Ok will do... call me when you find her k."

"K... bye!"


I looked at myself.
Here I was sitting down on the steps in front of a man's house. A man who loathed me. I had food, and a lot of.......loving to share. But of course, I will be rejected here too.

Pride is a bastard. But you know what. Love is an even BIGGER bastard.
I reached in my bag and brought out an envelope. This was my plan B. It wasn't really much of a plan, but what the hell. I dropped it in his mailbox. Sooner or later. He'll call me.

I packed my kaya and started heading out. Hopefully I can find a cab.


 I had 57 missed calls.  Most from Shafa. Suni was obviously looking for me. Her text wasn't very nice. All that stress. With the babies again? I dialed her number.

"Yale. "

"Hey Suni... before you start shouting. Sorry."

"I can't even shout. Shafa has collected that one for you... Yale where are you?"

"At home."

"No you're not. Where's you're car?"

"In the parking lot two streets down."

"What the... why??"

"Cause I don't want anyone to know I'm home."

"You're a first class bofun. Why didn't you call meee???"

"Again I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I'm driving to your place the door."

"Suni, don't bother. I'm terrible company now and ... I really don't want be around anyone but myself. I have TONS of work to catch up on before tomorrow morning."

"Story. Open that door before I get there."

"Suni I'm serious." She must've heard the seriousness in my voice.

"What happened Yale....?"

"I promise I'll tell you. Right now. I just need to work and get back on track."


"Please. Don't mention Shafa to me. I don't want to know how he feels, what he's doing or whether or not he is worried. Please."


"Yes. Now I've got tons of work to do. I promise I'm fine Suni.And I promise I'll be at your house this weekend to talk over ice cream or whatever it is you pregnant women eat."

"I'm worried Yale...."

"I'm not."

"What did he do?"


She sighed deeply. I was hoping she'll get the hint to stop and let it be.
She did.

"I love you."

"Thanks Suni. Love you too. and I promise I'm fine.... or will be sha."




I hung up and sat staring at my desktop. 75 unopened emails. It's going to be a long night.
A very long one.

I looked through the peep hole. Seemed empty. So I took a step of boldness and opened the door.
She was gone. Thank God.
That girl is crazy I swear. Bringing me food and acting like we are best buddies.
I stepped back in to close the door, but I saw the envelope sticking out of my mailbox.
So I took it.
I looked around one more time before I closed the door. Just in case she was in the bushes.
I swear its possible o!

I opened the envelope. The first was....

"WHAT??" The word burst through my lips.My heart was in my mouth. And it was beating at ridiculously fast.
It was a pregnancy test result. It had Ronke's name.... and it was...positive.

"What the fuck is this??" I turned the paper around because... It was confusing me. 

"Nooo It can't be. Ahn ahn...I haven't touched Ronke sinceeee.."
I scrambled looking for the date on this damn thing.

09/03/26.......Nooo....No....No way.... NO WAY.
Ronke and I were doing runs at that time... Nahhhh... I slumped to the floor...the paper and envelope fell from my hand... and another peice of paper.

I picked it up. I was a smaller slip. Looked like a receipt.
Indeed it was. From St. Josephs Health care center, in Miami.....It was a receipt for $400.25.
She had  had an abortion.



Friday, April 22, 2011

S2. W20. Somehow they knew

"I've decided to consider adoption."

He looked at me like i was speaking another language. I kind of  felt the same way. I had given myself the same bewildered look when I had said my thoughts out loud to my reflection. I didn't want to but somehow I felt I HAD to. At least think of all options. Whats going to be best for the babies.... Oh yea I hadn't even told Arinze about baby number 2. Should I? Or should I wait for this shock of this conversation to pass?

I'll wait.

"You have to be kidding me Suni." He fell back on the counter like the force of news all of a sudden made his knees weak. "Why?"

I walked around the counter, dropped my bag on it and opened the fridge. A yogurt topped with honey would be divine right now. I started fixing my snack. "I went for the appointment yesterday..." I brought out the yogurt...Arinze seemed to have stocked up on the strawberry and banana flavors. My favorite. Aww...tears stung my eyes.  I brought out 4.  I know he was waiting for me to continue. I felt his eyes. I started searching for the honey. "Wheres the honey?"

"The one beside the dishes..." He pointed. I followed his fore finger and spotted the cabinet. Viola. I got excited looking at the honey.  "So yes...the doctors... was a good visit by the way. Things are great..." I opened the top and started pouring.

"OK...What happened Suni?" He was waiting.

Ah, he wont even give me the opportunity to run a couple rounds around this bushel. Kill Joy. The top of my cup was now a beautiful glassy golden brown. Hmm... granola crumbs? Ahhhhh next time. I dug around for a spoon. OK..I change my mind. Maybe I SHOULD tell him about the babies first, then this adoption talk will make more sense. Yes... Mhmn...

I took a deep breath. "Arinze. The babies are good."

I allowed my sentence to marinate as I stuffed my face with frozen cold yogurt and honey. The taste was orgasmic. A beautiful distraction from the now downloading shock in Arinze's beautiful grey eyes.


I nodded. Mommy says its bad manners to talk with your mouth full. Hear that kiddos? No talking and eating...

"No way......"  I swallowed. The concoction went down slow.

"Yes Arinze, I am having twins." His eyebrows shot up, as if it REALLY now dawned on him what i meant. Since he didn't acknowledge my revelation verbally. I decided to continue speaking. "Hence why I am adoption consideration. I don't know  if I can handle two Arinze. I barely could overcome the shock of one and now two..... " I shook my head and inhaled another bite of my goo. It was weirdly comforting.

"Wow...I....I don't even know what to say."

"Say it makes sense and I'm not being selfish."

He shook his head slowly like I was asking for Platinum on a bed of Moon-sand.  "Then just say Im crazy and I shouldn't do it."  I needed him to support me and reprimand me. I needed him to give me the logic to make a decision that would be the best for babies and I. I needed him to really just take this burden off of me. I was tired, confused and just....hungry. They really should package this ish. Damn.

"Come lets sit and talk...." He stood up and guided me. His hand barely touched my elbow as we walked to the living room. It was as if he was scared to touch me.

We sat down and i took another bite of my food. He watched me.... I ingested and quickly put my mouth to work again. 

"Why are you so quick to give them up?" The question was so blatant and so... blunt. It stung. I was rushing to give up my own flesh and blood and the confusion and ....disappointment I saw in Arinze's eyes just killed me. Tears fell into my cup.

"I'm not giving them up.... " He didn't didn't say anything he just kept on staring at me. "I'm not sure Arinze. I'm confused. I'm scared. I can't take care of two kids! I cant...TWINS Arinze. TWO! not one... TWO! What am I meant to do? How am I meant to take care of them. Even if I get a great job day care alone will be horrible. God knows what my parents stance on this will be... I'm just in a ... its the best option I could come up with... I need clarity. Please...." I was choking and shaking by now. My words barely came out but they did and I know he heard them all. He held me close and let me dry it out. I would have given all my money to hear his thoughts.

His silence was calming me but making me so nervous. it hurt. "Please say something..."

He rubbed my back for a moment...."A friend kissed me today."

"What?" the question popped out before the statement was fully processed. "Huh??"  How random. What?? I was truly confused.  I turned to look at him. "I don't get..."

"A friend of mine.. close friend..kissed me." He was still holding me...I was still confused.

"As in..... like a .... guy?"

He laughed..." I beg o..." his pidgin made me smile a little...


"Nah.. a girl. My best friend slash ex.....times a while..." He took his hands away...and sat forward...then rubbed his face in his palms.

"OK...." I was a bit... what is this? "So.... did you kiss her back? Was it a thing?"

He looked me "No.. its was not..its not...Me and Q have been over for years... shes moved on.. I've moved on.. she shocked me today with the stunt and yea... I just wanted to tell you."

"Why....?" was I angry? No.. I wasn't.. I was... just confused! No other way to explain this feeling.

"Because. I want you to know. You're my best friend now. You're closer to me than anyone else in the entire world right now. I want to tell you everything even though you still don't know everything about me. Suni you must know by now that I'm falling in love you. And I want to see this go far... twins, triplets whatever. So I figured maybe I should start telling you everything. Good bad and ugly... I don't know"

My mind had taken break after "love you".



"Oh guilty co-co is eating you right."

"Sure whatever. I need this BS to stop OK. I'm tired. Yea we screwed around but that's done. Its NEVER going to happen again. Geddit?"

Her laughter was insulting. "Ohhhhhh your a boss now. You call shots." She broke into giggles again. "See.... when I am done with YOU.. then we will be done"

I made sure my hiss didn't go unnoticed. "I won't repeat myself."
I hung up before I even got to hear her reply. Not that I gave a shit what it was. I was already dialing.

"Hey babe..."

"Hey baby.... was just thinking about you now. How far?"

"Are you home now...?"

"Before nko..."

I laughed..."K coming over. Don't pick if Ronke calls you.."

"What? Why? What's happening?"

"And don't open the door wither if she shows up randomly...."

"What the hell.. Shafa, whats going on?"

"I'm going to tell you in a bit. See you..."


"In a moment o!!! Love you..."

I grabbed my keys and headed out. Time to rip off the band aid.


This SON OF A DONKEY just hung up the phone on me.
What an idiot. I was so irritated now. I wonder if the dunce is going to tell Yale right now. Or maybe I should? Nahh... let me wait for the fool to put his foot in his mouth. Either ways. I have an upper hand here.

This guy wants to fuck with me. Don't mess with me o. It not  I even want the stupid guy....... OK that's a lie. But  whatever jo.

I paced my room. One of two things are going to happen.Tonight, tomorrow or in the near future. Shafa is going to call me back. Or Yale is going to call me. I need a game plan for both scenarios.

I got to scheming. Human Resources readings can perch for a moment.


"Suni... don't give the babies up. I'll take care of you and the babies. I'll marry you."

My mouth went lax. He had my hands in hands now. And he then he went on his knees.

"Arghhh I'm not doing this right but whatever. Marry me Suni...."

This was moving too fast. too quick and it was confusing me. I need to I stood.


"Suni... what do you want me to do."
"No."  I would regret this later, but this wasn't right. "No...I won't"

He had stood with me but now he just sat back down... "Oh..."

"I wont marry you now Arinze, but if you're still around after I pop these monsters and we are still cool maybe Ill consider it... so rain check."

Arinze loved me. Yes I was still on that... all this marriage gibberish was just secondary. Marriage ni... covenant ko. Abeg leave those things. Its not like that people marry. It shocked me how clearly I was thinking now. Considering two minutes ago my life was  a black cloud with no clear direction. Right now it was clear. This beautiful man in front of me just told me he loves me.  All is well in the world.

I felt a weird bump in my tummy. My hand flew to my tummy..."Oh"

"What?" Arinze was by my side... "Come and sit down... what happened?"

bump bump! My baby or babies are kicking... or punching tears stung my eyes. "Arinze they aare kicking!! Or something!!!" I grabbed his hand. And placed it over the place where I felt the kick.

Of course nothing happened.

"They just kicked or punched me twice! Wait....." Nothing.. "Ahhh babiess don't fall my hand... do it again now..."

Arinze was laughing. "I guess they are shy now."

"No!" He wanted to remove his hand but I kept it there. Sitting very still.

And then BUMP! We both saw the little bump on the other side of my tummy! 


We laughed and waited for another one but I think that was all the entertainment the two were going to give us for the day.


"Ok tell me whats going on now." Yale didn't even hug or kiss me. I took off my shoes and walked to the fridge. Water.

"Sit." I gestured to the chair in the kitchen. I sat down on the other.

"What is this...."

"Sorry babe. I'm sorry."

"I don't like this kind of nonsense. What happened?"

Band aid Shafa. Band aid. I took a gulp of water.  Yale's hands reached for me "I slept with Ronke" her hands froze. I didn't bother looking up to see her face. I wasn't ready for that. Band aid Shafa. I kept going "Not recently though...a long time ago. When we broke up. Ronke and I had a fling. She has been after me for years. And I guess at that time things were just so... fucked up. So yea.. we hooked up. But her crazy's too much for me. It didn't take too long for me to realize that I couldn't handle her wahala. So I called it quits... and weird enough soon after we got back together. I have never believed wholly in nemesis until now. She's been on my case for a while now. And It's been hell Yale." I sucked it up and looked up at her. She was crying.... call me a coward but I looked back down. It was easier to talk that way anyways. "Remember when we at the hospital a while back.. and Ronke came by... ? She took a ride with me...?" I didn't look up to see if she remembered. I'm sure she did..."Well.. things got odd. Bottom line is we fooled around and it was just awkward. I stopped it before it got fatal and got out of there."

"You asked me on a date that night" her voice was cracked. I really didn't need to see her to know she was broken. I could hear it already. Band aid Shafa.

"I needed to prove to myself I was right. Ronke is the fucking devil I swear. I promise you Yale, that has been the last time I've let her come near me!" I reached for her...she pulled back so fast. She was holding her her mouth with one hand and the other held herself. She was crying and I was the cause. I made the love of my life cry. AGAIN. "I'm tired of keeping this. It was eating me up and Ronke wasn't making it better. She was threatening to tell you and she was... I couldn't do that shit anymore. You're going to be my wife Yale... I couldn't have that skeleton hanging in my closet." I could hear her sobs now... and it took everything in me not to try and hold her. I felt like a fool. But this is the band aid feeling. It can only get better from here. No more secrets. "Yale I'm sorry. From the deepest part of my heart. I should NEVER have gotten with Ronke. split up or not. I'm hoping and... using all of my credit with God.... that you'll forgive me. I... Please...."

I reached for her again... this time she stood up...."I-I-ll....I'll like to g-g-o go  to bed n-n-now. P-P-Please see yours-s-self o-out." She walked to her room and shut the door.
I'll be damned if I was going anywhere. 

I put my head down on the table and prayed. 
God... you GATS help me.


My legs felt like ice blocks. I was numb. I don't even know which blow hurt more. Shafa being with Ronke or Ronke being with Shafa. Either ways I was fatally injured. All this time... Ronke had been following Shafa. And all this time Shafa had been accepting? covering.. what ever the hell he was doing with Ronke.My fiance. Love of my life. And  with my cousin. MY COUSIN O! My BABY cousin. Chai.

I should've known though. The way Ronke always was around Shafa and she did all of a sudden become closer to me when Shafa came back to town. My God.... I'm sooo stupid. So this is what betrayal feels like. Shit........ Ronke .... you BITCH!!!! YOU EVIL SLUT!!! My God.... How could Shafa even resist her though. Ronke has always been a stunner and her body.... But man... I trusted you Shafa... so much it never even OCCURED to me... but man I should've known....I remember how quickly he had picked up a random girl before he left for Miami... why wouldn't he have quickly found the next main squeeze? But RONKE?? Like my cousin... that's like my sister... that's my blood....Shafa....kai....

I laid on the bed and cried because for now I couldn't do anything else.

Monday, November 22, 2010

S2. W19 - We need to Talk

I had booked marked 1 page so far. And that was because I felt I was being too picky. It was called Adonai. I almost didn't find it as it wasn't on the first few pages of the google search term, but somehow for some odd reason I had clicked through 5 ages of google results and somehow Adonai had jumped at me. I loved their slogan. "When there's no where else to go" It was simple but strong. Their website was very simple but I could tell it was professionally done. It wasn't a random person with no experience whatsoever in web design that decided to piece together a site, this was well thought out. Their choice of words, their images...Very marketable.

So far with everything I had read, I was impressed. Felt almost as though there were talking to me specifically. So I had bookmarked it. I was going to marinate on this a bit longer. I needed to anyways. 

My bladder started complaining again. These two creatures wont kill me o! Every time they wan wee wee. 
I put my laptop to sleep and went to address mother nature.

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