S2. W21 Where do we go from here?

Life is the number one entertainer of all times. I have to give it a round of applause. I don't know how long I have been lying down here. Probably day 3 now I estimate. I haven't looked at my phone but I know its been ringing. Shafa....probably Suni... I wont be surprised to see Ronke's name on that list. Bitch. I turned my face away from the ceiling back to the wall. I had deduced a pattern sequence in my red wall. I could find it again. My phone vibrated again.

What I can't really understand is....why this is breaking my heart so much. I mean. Shafa doesn't have iron running through his veins. His a human being. And like a human being... he's wired to mess up. I'm laying here. I've cried out all my insides. Ive not eaten. I've not showered. I'm putting my life on pause because of something that was....is...inevitable.

But man....it hurts. It really does.

Life MUST  go on. Its getting back up that matter right? OK now. I'll get up. And get on. But I'll be damned if I don't learn my lesson this time. First it was to beg him to be serious with me, instead he dashed me rejection and insult. Now he has decided to top that act  with fooling around with my cousin. Let it not be said my mother raised an idiot.

It was like drinking cold water after going days without it in the hot sun. Refreshing, energizing. 

I rolled out of bed... and went to put myself together. 

Work tomorrow is going to be horrendous.

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"Suni, please tell me she's called you?"

"Ah Ahn. Shafa she's not picking my calls, but come o. What exactly did you do? Yale is not one to ignore me. This is definitely code red...."

"I fucked up.... I messed up REALLY bad Suni... "

"I quite sure of this fact you've just stated... if it wasn't BAD, Yale would have picked up my call and cried, hell she would've called me first. So this story of you guys are seriously arguing and yada yada yada....its not joining. Speak to me... "

"I'm sure she'll get around to it eventually. But please Suni seriously... you have to try and call her again. I haven't heard from her.... "

"Ohh-hh... I hate to meddle in couple stuff....I have other problems to atte-"

"Suni its been 3 days.... please"

"WHAT?" I could hear her sputter and adjust in her seat "Shafa! And your calling me NOW?? What if something has happened to her... OHHHHH YOU IDIOT... WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO??" She must've gotten up cause her ranting and raving was clouded by moving furniture and noise. 

"Suni... please calm down....the babies..." She was saying something about castration "Suni...? SUNI!"?

"What?? Look I'm going to find Yale. And God save you that she's not OK. Because if shes not.... Haaaaaaaa..." 

And she hung up.

Wow.

Well the bright side is, she's definitely going to be calling me back and letting me know Yale's status.

I'm gonna wait.

My phone rang. I picked with the quickness.

"Suni...?"

"No fool, its Ronke."

Shit. I shouldve looked at my phone. "What?"

"Na wa o... so violent. Hello would've been sufficient sha"

"Eff off seems more appropriate"

"Stop being rude, it doesn't suit you."

"Keep being a bitch, it works for you"

Her giggle annoyed me. "Feisty.....anyways, please come and open the door"

"Excuse me?"

"The door... open it."

No way this girl came to my door.  "You must be crazy."

"May be... now.. open the door...I need somewhere to put all this food" I had walked to the peep hole. Lo and behold this girl was at my door with a huge tray of food.

"And my house seemed like the  best place?"

"Erm I can hear you eh? Open the door jo and stop being a pussy"

"I wont repeat myself. Since you can hear me clearly...." I hung up the phone and decided to speak. "Fuck. OFF!" 

I walked back to room. I had to call Suni anyways  or text her or something. If Ronke wanted, she could sleep outside. That demon is not entering my house.

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Why am I doing this? Yes I'm mad at Shafa....but I have no other reason other than I'm mad at myself...I was obsessed with Shafa. I remember the first day we kissed. He hadn't wanted to. He'd kept on saying it was weird until I kissed him. That had shut him up nicely. I didn't need anyone to tell me that He was into me. I had seen the way he looked at me.And God knows I had been looking at him for a LONG time. He was the perfect guy.... well sort of.  Well put together, easy on the eyes.... and adventurous.  The whole "affair" was just blood sizzling. I mean, he wasn't dating Yale. They had broken up! So it wasn't like I stole her man. I will never feel guilty for that.

I slumped down on the steps in front of the door. I had come here for a sole purpose today. To sleep with ShafaShafa, because if you knew the REAL truth you'd probably die. This small truth that you're running away from, the sweet truth o. Its not even the bitter one. Me I've had to swallow BOTH. I chose to deal with it in a way that worked for me. I didn't need no one to hold my hand or anything. 

It's not that I thought me and Shafa will marry or anything? No! But things got complicated during our... time. I handled business and tried to get back into things but he preferred to be left alone. He realized all of a sudden he loved Yale. He was coming back. All the weekend visits to Miami or rendevouz in differernt cities in between was all of a sudden too costly for him. He wanted Yale. Yale Yale! Ronke was useless now, no need for her anymore. What was I meant to do with my heart? And all the feelings? I knowwwww it was just meant to be ONLY physical but when you have a ba-

My phone rang.
It was Suni.

"Yea?"

"Where is Yale?"

"I dunno..."

"Where are you?"

Ah Ah... 21 questions?  "Er... out. Why?"

"You're not home?"

"Suni, What is the problem?"

"I'm looking for Yale. I wanted to come and pick you so we could find her togther"

I've now become detective. Ha! If only she knew.

"That won't be possible, wont be home till much later...I'll call her though?"

"UUUGGHHHH! Fine. Please call her as many times until she picks up. We can't find her. I'm going to her office to check now sha..."

"Ok will do... call me when you find her k."

"K... bye!"

Sto-ory. 

I looked at myself.
Here I was sitting down on the steps in front of a man's house. A man who loathed me. I had food, and a lot of.......loving to share. But of course, I will be rejected here too.

Pride is a bastard. But you know what. Love is an even BIGGER bastard.

I reached in my bag and brought out an envelope. This was my plan B. It wasn't really much of a plan, but what the hell. I dropped it in his mailbox. Sooner or later. He'll call me.

I packed my kaya and started heading out. Hopefully I can find a cab.

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 I had 57 missed calls.  Most from Shafa. Suni was obviously looking for me. Her text wasn't very nice. All that stress. With the babies again? I dialed her number.

"Yale. "

"Hey Suni... before you start shouting. Sorry."

"I can't even shout. Shafa has collected that one for you... Yale where are you?"

"At home."

"No you're not. Where's you're car?"

"In the parking lot two streets down."

"What the... why??"

"Cause I don't want anyone to know I'm home."

"You're a first class bofun. Why didn't you call meee???"

"Again I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I'm driving to your place now...open the door."

"Suni, don't bother. I'm terrible company now and ... I really don't want be around anyone but myself. I have TONS of work to catch up on before tomorrow morning."

"Story. Open that door before I get there."

"Suni I'm serious." She must've heard the seriousness in my voice.

"What happened Yale....?"

"I promise I'll tell you. Right now. I just need to work and get back on track."

"Shafa-"

"Please. Don't mention Shafa to me. I don't want to know how he feels, what he's doing or whether or not he is worried. Please."

"Wow....."

"Yes. Now I've got tons of work to do. I promise I'm fine Suni.And I promise I'll be at your house this weekend to talk over ice cream or whatever it is you pregnant women eat."

"I'm worried Yale...."

"I'm not."

"What did he do?"

"Everything."

She sighed deeply. I was hoping she'll get the hint to stop and let it be.
She did.

"I love you."

"Thanks Suni. Love you too. and I promise I'm fine.... or will be sha."

"Ok..."

"Bye"

"Bye"

I hung up and sat staring at my desktop. 75 unopened emails. It's going to be a long night.

A very long one.

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I looked through the peep hole. Seemed empty. So I took a step of boldness and opened the door.
She was gone. Thank God.
That girl is crazy I swear. Bringing me food and acting like we are best buddies.
I stepped back in to close the door, but I saw the envelope sticking out of my mailbox.
So I took it.

I looked around one more time before I closed the door. Just in case she was in the bushes.
I swear its possible o!

I opened the envelope. The first was....

"WHAT??" The word burst through my lips.My heart was in my mouth. And it was beating at ridiculously fast.

It was a pregnancy test result. It had Ronke's name.... and it was...positive.

"What the fuck is this??" I turned the paper around because... It was confusing me. 

"Nooo It can't be. Ahn ahn...I haven't touched Ronke sinceeee.."

I scrambled looking for the date on this damn thing.

09/03/26.......Nooo....No....No way.... NO WAY.

Ronke and I were doing runs at that time... Nahhhh... I slumped to the floor...the paper and envelope fell from my hand... and another peice of paper.

I picked it up. I was a smaller slip. Looked like a receipt.
Indeed it was. From St. Josephs Health care center, in Miami.....It was a receipt for $400.25.

She had  had an abortion.

Shit.

NO.