W17b. A Slight Change of Plans

Suni collapsed on the toilet. Tears were running down her face, but she wasn't even crying... I picked up the test and as much as I dreaded, but now expected. There was a there was an extra faded red line.

I really didn't know what to say. I hugged her as she...just sat. Me I started crying. God knows why tears started running down MY cheeks. I felt...weird. Some next level kind of mixture of feelings like this. Like I was happy, but sad, but confused, but scared, but feeling for Suni. I don't even know if she was happy or not.

We were in the stall for a bit. Another lady came into the washroom,saw us and.... left.

"Suni...stand up..." she was still silently crying..."Stand up...Let's go..." She didn't argue, she didn't agree. She just let me pull her up and we walked out. From the washroom, to the exit.

Screw breakfast.

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We had been driving around for about an hour? maybe more... my cellphone rang.

"Good or bad news?" it was Shafa.

"I don't even know myself...." I looked over at Suni, she was still staring into space. She had stopped crying, but she still hadn't said a word. "I don't even know..."

"Hm....I'm going to run some errands for a bit. Are you coming back home soon?" I caught that.

"No, I don't think I'll be back for a while...."

"K see you when you get back. Hug Suni for me...."

"K..." My tank was on E...gas station o..."Shafa says to hug you." the silence hadn't been bothering me for the past hour or so that we'd been driving, but now that I had finally spoken..(to someone) It just felt weird.

"Suni..I don't know how to feel now cause I don't even know how you feel. Are you sad? Or....Like...is this a... totally catastrophic thing?" She moved, adjusted her seat. At least I got something. "Like...I mean.. you love... at least that's what you told me....you love him. Right?" Nothing. "Maybe you jumped the gun here, but at least its not with a total douche...he's an OOOOKKK person.." she laughed. a dead laugh... but one nonetheless. "I just wish you'd say something. I'm really at a loss here"

"I'm confused as hell Yale." Her voice sounded weird now that she had finally spoken. It sounded different. "I've just gone from yay to...huh?????" I crawled into a gas station that I spotted, but just parked on the side. "I don't know how Toba is going to take this. I don't know how I'M going to take this. I'm not ready for a child..........not now."

"You know we have to go to the doctors to confirm right?"

"2 stripes, doctors note. Same difference."

"Suni, for real, some of these tests are faulty."

"You're right...."

"This doesn't have to be a bad thing-"

"But it's not the right time." her voice cracked. "I CANNOT take care of a baby right now, so either way its has to..."

Excuse me??? "Has to what?" I did NOT like that tone.

"Either ways I can't do it Yale." She ran her hands over her face and looked up to the roof. She was crying again....she tried opening the door. it Was locked... she started struggling with it...

"Wait relax jo..." I undid the safety lock "I'm unsure of where you're getting at..."

"I'M SAYING IF IT IS FOR REAL I CANNOT GO THROUGH WITH IT. IT HAS TO GO." She opened the door and got out.

I didn't even follow her. I felt like she had just thrown cold water in my face to wake me up. Go where? Is this girl on crack? Suni and I had talked about this before... way back in Uni. We had had the pro-life, pro-choice argument time and time again. She was pro-choice, I was pro-life. I was simply not able to comprehend the idea of playing God. She had understood that, or so she claimed. I remember, I always said, "let's just hope we don't find ourselves in that situation."

She was considering abortion. Because of what? She CAN'T do it? BECAUSE OF FLIPPING WHAT?

I got out of the car.

"You must be insane Suni." She was sitting on the sidewalk. "If you can give me 3 valid reasons for considering such a... such a..." I couldn't even find the word. This girl had NO GOOD reason. not a SINGLE one... to consider abortion.

"I'm not ready." she used her fingers to count. "I can GUARANTEE you Toba isn't either " she counted number two on her hand. "and I AM NOT READY" Finger number three.

"Wow... you mean our selfishness has reached this level?"

"Please Yale, don't start with your mother Theresa talks-"

"I shouldn't start? You think you have not caused enough stress? You now want to go and endanger you life because of some selfish streak you refuse to curb?"

"What stress am I causing?"

"Are you kidding me right now Suni?"

"No enlighten me, miss I am perfect I can do no wrong."

"Oh wow."

"Yes now... shebi you're the one that has to make "ethical" decisions, you're the one who's faced with this problem and can make REASONABLE decisions" she stood up "Oya. Tell me the stress I'm causing for you!!"

How pointless was this? I'm here trying to talk sense and she's here trying to turn the whole thing around. How is it that she can stand here and say I'm being unethical when I say considering abortion is selfish. Because I'm not in that situation? What STUPID nonsense is that? Its just like asking me how do I know fire can burn me when I haven't stood inside?

"You know what. Never mind... we need gas."

"No now.... talk? Cause I'm confused as to how you're so sure I might be making a wrong decision"

"Abeg enter the car let's go. I'm tired." I walked back to the car.

"That's what I thought." She followed.
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"Don't tell Shafa....." We hadnt said anything to each other from the gas station. We were at her house now.

"He's going to ask me."

"Well don't say anything."

"I'll tell him you said that." I turned into her drive way. she paused before she got out.

"Yale, I didn't say I'm going to do it, but I have to think. I can't just accept this without weighing my options."

"It's not just YOUR option anymore...." She didn't say anything. "If you need anything call me k?" She nodded and started to get out of the car. "Don't forget to make an appointment." She nodded again. "Like NOW!"

"Yes mommy."